i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
