Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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