Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
