My room smells like vodka and shame
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
