At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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