I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
