If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
it hurts more in the daytime
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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