You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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