theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
