I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
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I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
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He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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