I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
