woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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