Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
