They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
