Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
