Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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