Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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