I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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