when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
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we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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