i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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