I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
