you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
