My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
