I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize