Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I think I am morally bankrupt
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
