Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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