Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
