I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
