I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
