I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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