I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
