Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
