I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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