She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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