In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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