I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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