they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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