we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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