Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
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He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
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I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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