you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
