hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
