He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
