Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.