I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Not as such, no.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
organizing the empties. That sober.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.