I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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