We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
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