Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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