Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
