Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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