you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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