Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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