Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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