just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
