i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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