I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We got so high we made milksteak
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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