He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
