Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
