I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
