Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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