His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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