he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
