hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
