How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
