Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
