Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
